Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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