You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
