i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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