I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
