I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
