I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
