Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
