i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
