life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
