im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
