Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
