I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
