I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
