I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dicks are not precious.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
