Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
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This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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