Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
