having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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