I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
