She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
