did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
