i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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