i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
