U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
