Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
