I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
