So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
