You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
