At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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