That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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