saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
