She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
