I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
