Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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