WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
