my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
