I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize