my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
