The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
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Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
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hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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