You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
