oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
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trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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