I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
