eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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