I just cut my nipple shaving
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
