____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
