I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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