SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
