I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
