im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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