just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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