So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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