we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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