trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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