She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
