life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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