I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
