He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No subtext here. People are naked.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
