So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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