I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
