I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
