Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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