He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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