Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
