But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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