I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
did i walk over a car last night?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
