Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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