good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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