So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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