You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
