You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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