Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
she peed on how many people?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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