somebody snuck up and got me drunk
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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