and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
