how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just forgot I was standing up.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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