What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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