I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
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I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
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Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize