Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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