Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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