So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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