Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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