Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
