Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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